Obama drops a zinger

Blah blah blah blah. Sick scarf loser. I mean what was this D-Bag thinking? Guy is wearing a fucking purple tie and a purple scarf at a presidential press conference on healthcare . You may as well throw on eye liner and high heels. Even the Ruler of the Free World couldn't help himself, and you know what, I don't blame him. Obama is like a lumberjack, just chopping bitches down. He doesn't have time for brown-nosers that wear queer gear.

Cocked and Loaded

How freaking low were this guys pants? I mean that was like belly button territory based on waist location. Anyway, this guy just got a dry handy from the PoPo and he wasn't even phased, he's just cold. The cop on the other hand was traumatized from the incident...I wouldn't be surprised if he had to go to the same councilor as when you shoot someone. Can't blame him though he gripped that cock up like 3 times. "Officer, that is not a stress ball that's my penis."

What the fuck?

So I went to this pizza place today and got the lunch special, two slices and a non-alcoholic beverage of my choice...I went with a Pepsi. So I am sitting at the table, fucking around on my iPhone, when the lady drops the check off. I look over and there is a Tootsie-Roll on the check. What the fuck? A motherfuckin' Tootsie fooo reallll? Was this supposed to be like a free dessert? Personally I would like it if people stuck with an Andes mint or just the original Peppermint Swirl.

Oh and she also asked me, and I quote, "You want some more Pepsi, Papi?" Huh? Did you just call me fucking Papi? To the readers, I don't look like a 'Papi' at all. I live in southwest Florida and I am the whitest thing walking around this area. You'll have that when a Polish man and an Irish woman produce a child. I can see my veins working on my inner thighs. Listen server lady, I am Magish you dumb bitch, get it right or pay the price!

Team Member: Stinks

To Team Blasting Freedom I am known as Stinks. The name derives from a historic night where another member of TBF noticed green gas seeping out from under my door only to find me basking in my own disgust (I mean everyone loves their own brew) while watching Boston Public. Speaking of Boston, I am from just outside the city of champions…live and breathe the professional sports teams, and LOVE everyone else. I am actually a founder of Team Blasting Freedom. In the basement of WLG's parents is where Hollywood and I found the holy grail written by WLG's brother. We doubled a couple times, peed to china, and TBF was born. Do not come near me after a night of drinking and a visit to Taco Bell…it would be your worst mistake. It is almost getting to a point where I am considering seeing a doctor about my stench but am concerned I would be healed and stinks would be no more. One other thing I enjoy is eating…often made fun of for my sporadic dieting, the team has now accepted my gluttony as a valuable addition to the team so stay tuned for my weekly segment entitled Stuffing Your Stomach with Stinks.

You got it Chris!

Jackassworld

I am sort of up in the air about the Wildboyz mainly because some of the shit they do is pretty weird, but this clip is priceless. I mean I was laughing the second it started all the way til the last puke. Kudos to Chris Pontius for making this clip an absolute gem. I mean the guy is mocking Thailand's culture like it doesn't even exist and he is throwing one liners out like he is Brad Lidge in the final inning of the world series! My favortie part of the clip is when there is 20 seconds left and Chris vomits without even moving and then pukes on Steve-O's head, what a great friend.

Sharpton cries foul over NY Post's cartoon monkey business

New York African-American leader has often been accused of stoking racial grievances. Is his criticism of a NY Post cartoon off the mark, or is the cartoon a racist shot at Obama?

This cartoon in the New York Post provoked some outrage from New York outrage-monger Al Sharpton today.

The cartoon by Sean Delonas is a reference to the police shooting Monday of Travis, a celebrity chimpanzee who had gone berserk and seriously injured a woman.

In a statement, Sharpton said:

The cartoon in today's New York Post is troubling at best given the historic racist attacks of African-Americans as being synonymous with monkeys. One has to question whether the cartoonist is making a less than casual reference to this when in the cartoon they have police saying after shooting a chimpanzee that "Now they will have to find someone else to write the stimulus bill."

Being that the stimulus bill has been the first legislative victory of President Barack Obama (the first African American president) and has become synonymous with him it is not a reach to wonder are they inferring that a monkey wrote the last bill?

We at the Guardian America office in Washington don't get the humor, and I find the cartoon rather inane. It is worth noting that congressional Democrats wrote the bill, not Obama or anyone in the White House. If the conservative New York Post is calling Harry Reid, Max Baucus and Nancy Pelosi a bunch of monkeys, is that worth Sharpton getting worked up about?

Meanwhile, Sharpton has a long history of stoking racial grievances (The Guardian's Oliver Burkeman described him in 2002 as "Despised by many, accused of exploiting every whisper of police brutality, of rubbing salt into racial wounds and inciting protesters to violence".) Check out this history of the Tawana Braley case.

What do you think? Is the cartoon a racist shot at Obama? A crack at congressional Democrats? Is Sharpton over the line? Is it funny? Does it make any sense at all?

Ummm, yea that's pretty much blatant racism!!!

It doesn't get much better than this shit

Once again the Price is Right blows my fucking mind right before I eat my ham and cheese on toasted wheat bread. What a pimp slap to the face for poor Jaclyn. I mean how fired up would you be if you were $290 off your price? I'd be strutting around the set rubbing my prizes with my balls hanging out before they announced the other idiots showcase price. Well congrats to Lindsey-Marie where ever you are, you sneaky sneaky bitch. Winning both showcases has to be the best feeling in the world, even better than sex.

I need to know how contestants can even get excited? I literally have to DVR the Price is Right now and days while I am watching it because Drew Carey bores me to sleep. His worthlessness to the show is at an all time high after Lindsey-Marie wins both show cases. Personally I've been more excited over long turds than he is after this miraculous feat. I fucking LOVE you Drew, keep up the horrible work. I can only hope that Bob Barker has Alzheimer's so he can't remember he used to host this show.

"You're fixin' tagit lit up Steve!"

HAHAHAHAHA! Did that cop say the name of the road was 'Old Munson Road'? So I am going out on a limb and say this this DUI stop is taking place in Ocelot, Iowa, the hometown of Roy Munson, from the movie Kingpin because this feller' was 'Munsoned' (up a creek without a paddle). If there is one thing I HATE more than a good tazing its a piece of white trash that screams, "I think I crapped my pants!" at the top of his lungs. Personally I know when I crap my pants, but I guess if your vehicle is a lawnmower than you might now know when something extra squirts out.

Thanks to my sister for sending me that video!

Team Member: Blacks

My name is Blacks. I was born in a beautiful community known as Wheaton, MD to a disgusting Arab whore. My father was a used car salesman. I came out of my mom's vag 6'4 and had a full beard. It wasn't rough on my mom because her vag had been taking years of abuse from her father and a long line of other guys who happen to have sham at the time. My father was one of them, but the only one dumb enough not to pull out. I continued to reside in Silver Spring, MD for many years where I was just another weird brown person from a country no one has heard of. First I attended Burning Tree Elementary (seriously) until the third grade when my shitty father moved us out to the boonies known as Rockville, MD. I finished my elementary school career and moved on to Wood Middle School (seriously). This is where I got my first kiss, saw my first vagina, and got my first blowjob. Not in that order but all from a very gross El Salvadoran with more hair on her lip than my Jihadi mother. My parents got divorced, I went goth for a couple of weeks, than skater, and finally settled on gansterish. Also in the years I smoked Marijuana for the first time. At the time I was a very good artist, ran the mile in 5 and a half minutes, batted second on my little league team, and went to church. Once I took one hit of that sweet Cheeba I stopped drawing because art was for fags, quit baseball because people were throwing balls at me too fast, never did the mile again in under 12 minutes, and told god to fuck himself.

1 Bottle Maple Syrup, 1 Toenail Clipper, 1 Vibrating Fist, and Next Day Shipping

WESTON, Vt.: The Vermont Country Store is going from the kitchen to the bedroom.

For more than 60 years, the catalog has been a mailbox staple. But now the Vermont Country Store is offering sex aids along with the usual cast iron skillets, maple syrup and heavy-duty toenail clippers.

The catalog includes six-speed vibrators, instructional sex videos and so-called pleasure gels.

The idea to add risque items is from 67-year-old Lyman Orton. His father started the Country Store mailer in 1945.

Orton says he wants older folks to stay sexually active.

The Country Store has gotten hundreds of letters from outraged customers. But Country Store officials say their new "Intimate Solutions" have been big sellers.

This is exactly the type of entrepreneurship the Obama administration is looking for! If selling bottles of Aunt Jemima ain't cutting it for business well then you better throw in a butt plug and a bottle of spermicidal lube. You have to give credit where credit is due and that credit goes to Lyman Orton. This guy is 67 years old and he knows exactly what happens to a woman around his age, they dry up like a box of pancake mix. I applaud you Mr. Orton for your blatant disrespect for social norms. What a gift! I wish I had heard about this before Valentine's Day.

Without a doubt the best Price is Right contestant EVER

I HATE the Price is Right. I mean this show has to be the best tv game show of all time. I don't think in the shows history has a contestant ever been as excited/blatantly gay as Daniel. I mean this guy is going the fuck off, I am surprised that he didn't fly away when he guessed the price exactly right. More importantly this guy won a bright red scooter. If I saw Daniel on that God damn scooter I would probably be prancing around just like he did when he won that dinette! Get some Daniel!

While we are touching on the subject I would like to say that Drew Carey is the worst fucking person on this planet. What the hell were they thinking when they hired that fat fuck? My right testicle (the small one) has more spice than that loser. My personal choice for hosts would be a duo of a coked up Jack Black and stoned Dave Chappelle. Now that would be entertainment.

Special thanks to Josh for the video

LOVE/hate and HATE/love

In this blog you will commonly see me use LOVE/hate and HATE/love to describe situations or people. It is a pretty simple concept I am working with here...it's called sarcasm.

Capital 'LOVE' really means hate... i.e. "I LOVE it when the stupid bitches at McDonald's forget to make my cheeseburgers plain."

Capital 'HATE' really means love... i.e. "I HATE going to the store and finding out that Busch cans are on sale for $8.99 for an 18 pack."

If you don't understand it I am sure you will learn, if not you are fucking retarded.

Team Member: Magish

noun. Magish (ma - jish): aka the magician; stems from my ability to take normal pictures of my friends and edit/crop them with photoshop in the blink of an eye

Well that's me, Magish, and I will be entertaining you via this blogspot. My topics will usually follow subject matter such as current events, white trash, funny youtube.com clips, reality television, out of control celebrities, the Price is Right, and anything else that I deem necessary for get off my chest. It should be a good time for everyone.

A tidbit of information . . . people usually tend to piss me off. Even the most insignificant thing can ruin my day. This results in high blood pressure and some serious fucking blogging.